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Now it’s Clark who can’t put in a good training month. What is up with my defenders? Well, okay, Carroll had a good month as did Shadi last month. It’s not like Clark is a long-term answer for us with his 1.5 to 2.5 stars of Potential Ability. On the positive side, O’Donnell made improvements in every Technical ability and almost so in Mental and Physical abilities.
Our January loss is about the same as our December loss. I guess I’ll just have to be as patient as my Sugar Daddy will allow. Speaking of, my Job Security is rated as Very Secure. Club Finances is pegged at 100%, which has to be because I’m spending half of what I’ve been allotted for weekly wages.
at Beckenham, 3 February 2018
Formation: Spade (GK, DR, DC r, DC l, DL, MC r, MC l, AMR, AMC, AML, ST c)
Starting XI: Legg, Maguire, Spearing, Carroll, Jefcoate, Barlow, Smith, Pearson, O'Donnell, Duckett, Macey
Subs: Webb, Parker, Day, Clark, Al-Ziod, Nixon, McAdam, Jones, Taylor, Martin, Rae, Cullen
It takes 20 minutes but an early cross to a running Macey finds him alone with the goalie and again he rounds the keeper and gets us a goal. Our second goal comes indirectly off a corner with Spearing heading the ball away from the goal to a wide open Duckett who sinks it. His second comes off a fluke bounce off the goalie and into the goal, just before the half. O’Donnell is rocking a 6.4 so I give him the what-for and keep him in all game, eventually moving him up top in hope he scores. No, he gets a 6.1 and I give him an Assertive, “You suck!” speech. After the match I fine him a week’s pay, which he accepts.
POM: Steve Pearson, (1 assist, 4 key passes, 3 chance created)
After the match I get an email saying that Smith is now a Natural at MC. Huzzah! It took 36 starts and 4 sub appearances. I’m guessing that means he has a low Versatility. At this point I’d try to get his AMC going but with a Dribbling of 1, Technique of 3 and Off The Ball of 4 he’s just not gonna cut it. So I’ll probably eventually work on his DC skillz.
And of course another game, another agent email demanding a new contract. This time it’s Peter Maguire’s. At least he was coming off a good game, a 7.2 rating. Still a big fat nope. A funny thing about these emails is that the players don’t seem to mind, their Morale doesn’t drop after I reject the request.
Rae hasn’t been used much recently so I’m giving him the start. He just mastered “Knock Ball Past Opponent” so I hope to see plenty of that.
vs. Chatham, 7 February 2018
Formation: Spade
Starting XI: Legg, Maguire, Spearing, Carroll, Al-Ziod, Barlow, Smith, Pearson, O'Donnell, Duckett, Rae
Subs: Webb, Parker, Day, Clark, Jefcoate, Nixon, McAdam, Jones, Taylor, Martin, Macey, Cullen
Nothing much at all happens until just before 40’ when Rae shows he’s good at being a Poacher. Barlow saw Rae standing between two centerbacks and knocked the ball forward perfectly for Rae to sprint and one-time the ball into the net. Beautiful! In the 53rd minute O’Donnell sends a free-kick into the box right to Smith who waits for traffic to clear before Frogger-ing the ball across the street to its rightful destination. I swap everyone out but Chicken Legg and Rae but then realized I missed taking Duckett off until the 75th minute. Luckily, Martin enters for a corner kick and immediately heads the ball in. What timing! Chatham pulls one back in the 89th off of one of those FM specials: A defender tries to clear a ball up-field only to have the ball hit a teammate which then bounces to an opponent in the box who is free-and-clear. Thanks, Myles! Turd.
(Frogger was fresh in my mind after hearing it discussed in the World’s Greatest 2nd Edition AD&D podcast, THACO’s Hammer.)
POM: Terry Barlow (1 assist, 4 key passes, 2 chances created)
Rae’s lack of sharpness bites me in the ass. He got a bruised thigh late in the game and is out 5 to 10 days.
vs. Pickering, 10 February 2018
Formation: Spade
Starting XI: Legg, Maguire, Spearing, Carroll, Jefcoate, Barlow, Smith, Pearson, O'Donnell, Duckett, Macey
Subs: Webb, Parker, Day, Clark, Al-Ziod, Cullen, McAdam, Jones, Nixon, Martin, Taylor, Donaldson
Pickering prove no slouches but after 13’ we are able to punch through their armor with a counter-attack culminating in an O’Donnell cross to Macey for an easy goal. In the 22nd, our tactic of Prevent GK Distribution FINALLY pays off when Macey robs their left central defender of a slow pass from the goalie. Never in any matches in this season have I seen this even attempted. Good work, Eddie!
At the half I make the rare Assertive “Don’t get complacent” talk and almost everyone focuses up; Maguire and Legg are the notable exceptions. I hope that isn’t a portent. Not two minutes into the second half O’Donnell beats his man and lifts a tight shot into the ceiling of the net. He totally baffled the goalkeeper. At 56’ Eddie again steals a distribution but this time kicks it straight at the goalie. Derp. Because a lot of the non-starters aren’t getting enough playing time I do a full outfield swap at 60’, Macey’s hat-trick be damned.
And five minutes later it bites me in the tookis as Pickering counter-attack and make Chicken Fucker look incompetent. But that’s all the excitement there is to be had and we’re onto the Quarter Final!
POM: Eddie Macey (2 goals, 1 key pass)
Another match, another agent, another nope. Sorry, Carroll, that 7.3 doesn’t matter when I have you signed until 2020.
The FA Vase Quarter Final draw happens on the 11th. Please not Dartford, please not Dartford, please not Dartford. YES! We get to host Hampton & Richmond, who are in the Conference South, so it’s not easy street but at least it’s not the team that last beat us again.
O’Donnell turned 17 on the 9th and I went to offer him a Full-time contract and he refused to negotiate. Says we couldn’t meet his ambitions or some shit like that. Luckily we have him until 2021 so either he eventually signs or we sell him at a healthy profit.
This is the reschedule of the match that was postponed due to a water-logged field. Lettuce see what happens.
at Erith Town, 14 February 2018
Formation: Spade
Starting XI: Legg, Maguire, Spearing, Carroll, Al-Ziod, Barlow, Smith, Pearson, O'Donnell, Duckett, Macey
Subs: Webb, Parker, Day, Clark, Jefcoate, Cullen, Donaldson, Jones, Nixon, Martin, Rae, McAdam
No postponement this time despite a “Very Poor Pitch.” Hopefully we don’t suffer any injuries. Interesting formation they use, 4-3-3 with three strikers and three central midfielders.
Erith Town probably wish the match had been cancelled though. We get a penalty in the 9th minute and O’Donnell skies it. What the fuck?! Seventeen minutes later he makes up for his sin planting a score off a Duckett cross. It was just the two of them with nary a defender in sight and if they had botched it I was going to yank Ben. In the 32nd their right striker gets his second yellow and we are hopefully on Easy Street. Two minutes into extra time we get a Duckett goal (a beautiful tight-angle one to the ceiling of the net) in the aftermath of a corner.
At 60’ I sub out O’Donnell and Spearing who are on yellows. At 65’ I bring in Rae for Macey (on a 6.4) so he can get his fitness back up, and Cullen for Barlow who is stinking up the joint with a 6.3 rating. Just after entering extra time Maguire finds Nixon at the far post and the victory is sealed, as is Legg’s first cleansheet in two matches. Or so I thought. Duckett has been horrible the second half and passes the ball right to a Townie who Route Ones it up the field and Legg just stands there looking stoopid. And not another minute later their goalie launches one forward and they get a repeat.
POM: Daniel Duckett (1 goal, 1 assist, 5 key passes, 4 chances created)
I lamblast™ them and point out Clark, Barlow, Macey, and Rae specifically. I then hand out some fines and warnings. Barlow doesn’t feel the fine was justified, blaming his team-mates. That’s not good. Macey accepts his warning and Clark accepts his fine, he even gets a Determination bump.
A lot of players are in the high 80s in their Match Fitness so I have heavy rotation. Macey and O’Donnell are on my shitlist so they don’t even suit up today.
at Whitstable, 17 February 2018
Formation: Spade
Starting XI: Webb, Parker, Day, Clark, Jefcoate, Cullen, McAdam, Jones, Donaldson, Martin, Taylor
Subs: Legg, Maguire, Spearing, Carroll, Al-Ziod, Barlow, Smith, Pearson, Nixon, Duckett, Rae
The first action doesn’t happen until the 34th minute and Cullen does well getting the ball to Jones’ noggin but he just sends it softly to the goalie. Le Sigh. Amazingly not a minute later we get a penalty opportunity and Jefcoate of all people gets the opportunity. (Taylor is on the pitch but he too is kind of on my shitlist for his botched penalty.) Jefcoate does not disappoint and gets his first goal of the season. At 69’ I bring on Rae and Nixon for Taylor and Cullen who have done nothing to impress me. Also Jefcoate comes off for the Jordanian Prince as he’s earned a yellow. Just before 80’ when I was going to switch to Defensive due to our recent lapses, Whitstable get us with the Route One. That’s our weakness. Five minutes later the lads respond to my Overload change-up with a Martin-Jones-Rae combo for a goal. I switch to Contain and give as many players defensive instructions as possible. In the first minute of stoppage time of six minutes Parker gets doinked in the head and on comes Maguire. And then with 6 seconds left Jones scores off a corner and the squeaky-bum match ends with a Brixton victory.
POM: Robert Jones (1 goal, 2 key passes, 2 chances created)
Oh fuck me to tears. Parker has a fractured skull and will be out for 3 to 4 months. Fuuuuuuuck. One of our two DRs in the U18 is currently out for 11 days to 3 weeks for a twisted ankle so it seems the FM fix is in. Youth Intake is right around the corner and hopefully we get a good DR who can take Parker’s place.
Awesome! Another Player Development email, this time from my Head of Youth Development, Harold Pennington. He believes that The Real Slim Shadi’s “potential could lead to him becoming a League Two left-back in the future.”
YEAH! It’s Ratbirdtown again!
vs. Crowborough, 21 February 2018
Formation: Spade
Starting XI: Legg, Maguire, Spearing, Carroll, Al-Ziod, Barlow, Smith, Pearson, O'Donnell, Duckett, Macey
Subs: Webb, Day, Clark, Jefcoate, Nixon, McAdam, Jones, Taylor, Martin, Rae, Donaldson, Cullen
Just before 2’ we march the ball up the field slowly, methodically and then pounce with a long ball to the left corner. Duckett sends in a low cross to the near post and Macey get us on the board. Anything you can do I can do better, says O’Donnell. He takes a Barlow feed up the middle and meets the ball near the right post and we’re up two. Oh my. In the 35th Maguire sends in a prayer that meets Duckett’s left foot near the left post and we score again.
We have a Cup match in 3 days so I do Ye Olde Outfield Swap at 60’. I try Donaldson at right back just for shits and giggles. And of course that bites me in the ass again. Same shit, different game, a Route One attack and Legg just stares at the attacker. And this is even after I dropped our line back to normal. I think it may be Day and Clark who are the problem. Rae does draw one back in the 84th and we see out the match.
POM: Daniel Duckett (1 goal, 1 assist, 2 key passes)
Duckett has been on fire of late. I need to check to see if he’s rating higher than everyone else the last 5 and 20 games. In the last 5 games he’s averaging 8.04 with Maguire the closest at 7.50. Over the last 20 games, he’ at 7.98, second to Macey (somehow) at 8.19.
I issue a warning to McAdam for a 6.3 rating. I don’t have the option for Taylor but he’s been on a bad steak recently so I have a sit-down with him. He admitted he didn’t do well. At this moment I notice he has a 3 in Teamwork. He probably needs to be shipped off if we get two good strikers in our Youth Intake Day.
Also another match, another agent, another no. Barlow, remind your agent about your Erith Town performance, please.
It’s been 5 matches since we had a clean sheet. I’ve no idea what the hell is going on. Let’s try to improve that against a team two steps above us in the English pyramid?
vs. Kings Langley, 24 February 2018
Formation: Spade
Starting XI: Legg, Maguire, Spearing, Carroll, Al-Ziod, Barlow, Smith, Pearson, O'Donnell, Duckett, Macey
Subs: Webb, Day, Clark, Jefcoate, Nixon, McAdam, Jones, Taylor, Martin, Rae, Donaldson, Cullen
It’s a pretty boring match with neither Macey or O’Donnell able to dial it in. We do get a goal at 38’ courtesy of an own goal though Duckett kind of got the defender and GK all a-panicky. In the second half we get a free kick that gets headed by Spearing to Pearson who strikes it true. A few moments later they draw one back but I can’t fault Legg this time, it was a long shot that went to the far upper left corner. And we strike back immediately with the Duckett-Pearson combo. I pulled Macey and his 6.4 rating for Taylor and switch to 4-4-2 Standard. And Taylor gives up the ball and Kings score on the counter. Fucking hell. But Taylor redeems himself with a goal in the 81st.
POM: Steve Pearson (2 goals, 1 key pass)
Six matches without a cleansheet. This is not what the doctor ordered.
The Southern League Cup Semi-Final draw goes in our favor, we have to travel to Bath who are in the Conference South. The other two teams are also in Conference South but East Thurrock is 8th and Gloucester City is 12th; Bath is 15th.
I get another Player Development email, this time to tell me that Chris Day is now an Influential Player. About time, Mr. Vice Captain. Too bad you’ve been relegated to second string and won’t be with us next year.
Just before Youth Intake Day there were some FA Cup matches. Of note, League One team Bury beat Liverpool 3-0. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Another great month victory-wise but there has been a number of shaky performances and just one cleansheet. We’re semi-talented. I don’t know why the kids are faltering in dumb ways. Maybe I shouldn’t stick with the same tactic from match-to-match? But we’ve extended our league lead to 20 points and are still in two cups so I guess I shouldn’t complain too much.
In my next update I’ll go over our 2018 Youth Intake Day. I think this is a good time to talk about my desires for the long-term makeup of the team.
A number of my desires are really not explainable; it’s just the way my age-addled brain works. I would like at least one American in my Starting XI but I’m not going to be a homer and make Brixton an U.S. exclave. To keep the Brixton motif alive, I would like one or two players from the Caribbean. For goalkeeper, I want a Pole. I want one of my defenders to be German, hopefully one of the centrebacks. Somewhere on the team I want a Japanese or South Korean player. I want the bulk of my players to be English or British or Irish. I probably won’t sign many, if any, Central or South Americans. I just don’t like the style of play in real life so that carries over into how I play FM. When we get to the Premier League and I can scout worldwide I’ll probably make those regions the last ones I explore. I guess maybe part of that is because of the whole agent “owns” a player thing.
Now onto my favoritest part of the game!
