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Oh Robbie Jones, why must you forsake me? I give a pep-talk and he seems to have gotten the message. Barlow, Spearing, Duckett…I heart you.
We lost £178,000 last month. We’ll dip below £12,000,000 for our balance next month.
Huzzah! I’m now Untouchable. My approval rating is only 77% but that is “Untouchable” somehow.
A note about Aidan Collins, who hasn’t gotten the message and accepted that bid yet. He joined the team on 8 November and not one Attribute has increased by one point yet. He’s had some minor improvements. Tackling has gone from 3.6 to 4.4 and that’s the best he’s had. Please leave! (His Personality is Fairly Professional so I have no idea why he’s sucking.) On the 1st, Colney Heath declare their interest in him. Make up your mind kid!
Collopy is drawing more and more interest. On 2 April three teams express interest in him and a fourth makes an offer of a whole whopping zero pounds so I deny them.
Good news! Connor Smith is a Potential League Two talent. Better news is Mark Nixon is a Potential League One talent. Also good news is that Tom Johnstone is also like Nixon.
In related news, I get notice on 3 April that a slew of teams are fixing to release some youth players. I give them a gander but none have double-digit Determination; I’m scouting them anyways.
On 1 April I get another email about coaching badges. This time it’s my Shooting coach bagging a Continental Pro license.
Next victim up is Tunbridge Wells. They are second in the league but only 1 point ahead of Erith Town. Though the difference between second and third is irrelevant, because only the top team gets promoted, the game engine certainly will have them fighting for a higher position. Right? RIGHT?! (Let us hope.)
at Tunbridge Wells, 4 April 2018
Formation: Spade (GK, DR, DC r, DC l, DL, MC r, MC l, AMR, AMC, AML, ST c)
Starting XI: Legg, Maguire, Spearing, Carroll, Al-Ziod, Barlow, Smith, Pearson, O’Donnell, Duckett, Macey
Subs: Webb, Clark, Day, Duggan, Jefcoate, Nixon, McAdam, Jones, Taylor, Martin, Kirkpatrick, Cullen
Pearson and O’Donnell start out the match nervous for some reason but after 13 minutes Pearson shakes that off when he sees an overlapping Maguire and that kid takes it to the endline for a trademark cross to the far post where Duckett heads it in for his 16th goal of the season. Four minutes later the action comes from the left side with Duckett sending a low cross to Macey at the near post, who delivers with surety.
Up two-nil at half I dial things back, naturally. I feel a trap coming. The feelings are unfounded as 5 minutes in Tunbridge almost score but the rebound finds Pearson who sends it Route One to Macey. Eddie outruns the defender and sends it through their goalie's crotch for our cushion goal. At 60’ I bring on Nixon, McAdam, and Taylor; the first two because they need match fitness, and Taylor because O’Donnell is phoning it in again. A minute later they get one by Legg on a counter-attack. Here they come, those the feelings again? Nope. Macey gets his hat trick 10 minutes later.
POM: Eddie Macey (3 goals)
Really bummed about conceding a goal. Legg has 11 league clean sheets which is only best in the league by one. I hope he ends the season with the most by a good margin.
Another bid comes in for Collopy, this time for a whopping £110. I opt to keep him.
Speaking of bids, Collins rejects South Normanton and will stay with us. For now...
It’s time to see if we can still maintain being in the cup competitions. Bath has a team that’s pretty good. Luckily they only have one 5-star player and that is their goalie.
at Bath, 7 April 2018
Formation: Spade
Starting XI: Legg, Maguire, Spearing, Carroll, Al-Ziod, Barlow, Smith, Pearson, O’Donnell, Duckett, Macey
Subs: Webb, Clark, Day, Duggan, Jefcoate, Nixon, McAdam, Jones, Taylor, Martin, Kirkpatrick, Cullen
The first 30’ is predominantly us trying to exploit the left flank but despite many great Duckett crosses, nothing comes of it mostly because Macey is easily dispossessed. But in the 33rd minute the kids try the right side and then cut in to the middle of the field, feeding O’Donnell who feeds Macey who once again shows he’s better in the thick of things than by himself. At half I give Ye Olde Speech, Passionately, “Things are going well, but I know you’re capable of even better” Spearing gets motivated but Chicken Fucker gets stressed and “Looked to switch off.”
Eight minutes into the second half Bath’s lone striker gets past our central defenders and Legg’s speech reaction jumps to the forefront of my mind. Ye of little faith; he stonewalls the Bather. At this point I dial things back and choose the Control philosophy, and drop the defensive line back some. At 65’ I take out my wingers and the Jordanian Prince as they are getting tired. At 68’ their left winger lobs in an early cross and Legg once again comes through defending a point-blank shot, but Jefcoate evidently fouled the striker during the post-rebound melee. To quote Harry Vanderspeigle, “This is some bullshit.” Immediately afterwards I sub out the rest of the outfield, I have Nixon as the Shadow Striker as he’s really, really good. And of course The Jamaican Wonder, who almost draws us even immediately. In the 88th Kemar almost gets us the win but he can’t get a header on target.
After full-time I thought we’d get a replay at home but instead we go into extra time. Should have thought about that. I’m sure our players are still more fresh than theirs… At 101’ Martin was two yards out and all alone and manages to hit the upright. Jesus. The team plays uninspired from that point on.
On to the penalties! Dammit. Nixon, our only player on the pitch with double-digit Penalty Taking rating, sinks the first salvo. And Legg blocks Bath’s first shot! But then Jefcoate flubs his chance (7 in PT). It sure isn’t Martin’s day. He skies his chance. And so goes our chances at a trophy.
POM: Teddy Cullen (5 key passes, 4 chances created)
Martin is gutted. I’m really to blame though. I should have been more strategic about my selection. Gah!
A couple hours before our home match against Croydon, AFC Mansfield show up with a pail of money for Derek McLeish, a U18 Striker. Unfortunately for them the pail only has £825. Negative, Ghost Rider.
With the FA Vase Cup Semi-Final coming up I’m giving the Second XI the start. I’m also switching to the 4-4-2 to give Martin a chance to get Natural in ML and Nixon at MC. I also hope to give Rae some minutes on his road to recovery.
vs. Croydon, 11 April 2018
Formation: 4-4-2 Standard (GK, DR, DC r, DC l, DL, MR, MC r, MC l, ML, ST r, ST l)
Starting XI: Webb, Clark, Day, Duggan, Jefcoate, Jones, Nixon, McAdam, Martin, Taylor, Kirkpatrick
Subs: Legg, Maguire, Spearing, Carroll, Al-Ziod, Pearson, Donaldson, Cullen, Duckett, Macey, O’Donnell, Rae
Luckily the start is pretty quick with a Kirkpatrick-Nixon combo working just before 5’. It’s pretty dead until Kemar gets a brilliant shot off in the 39th but the GK is unimpressed. And just before half he has another chance but botches it. He seems to be a streaky player. I Assertively tell the squad that they were just alright and I expected to see things improve. It’s like I’m a prophet, though a 20-minute delayed one. Kemar playing as a Deep Lying Forward receives the ball from a Day launch out of our 18-yard box and tips it forward to Taylor, who is outpacing everyone; he sinks it with a low lob over a falling keeper. I then swap out the MCs and a few minutes later new arrival Cullen affords Taylor an opportunity for a brace and he delivers.
I give Rae the last 15 minutes of Kemar’s time. My pre-game plan was to bring off Taylor and make Rae a Poacher but I decided to give Taylor a chance to get his hat trick.
POM: Paul Taylor (2 goals, 1 key pass)
Another day, another Collopy offer, another no.
The scouting report for Poole Town comes in and they are not as good as our squad, but just by a hair. They are however riddled with injuries so I fancy our chances.
Damn, a cup Semi Final and we still can’t pull in a thousand fans.
vs. Poole Town, 14 April 2018
Formation: Spade (GK, DR, DC r, DC l, DL, MC r, MC l, AMR, AMC, AML, ST c)
Starting XI: Legg, Maguire, Spearing, Carroll, Al-Ziod, Barlow, Smith, Pearson, O’Donnell, Duckett, Macey
Subs: Webb, Clark, Day, Duggan, Jefcoate, Nixon, McAdam, Jones, Taylor, Martin, Kirkpatrick, Cullen
Nothing happens in the first 39 minutes except Al-Ziod, Barlow, and Carroll draw yellows in quick succession. I chastised the lot of them at half and ask the young offenders to Calm it down. I switch us to Attack, to vary our passes to Mixed, and stop the players from getting Stuck In. It takes a while and a Shout of Show Some Passion but finally Smith starts a counter with a long shot forward to Macey, who launches one in from 20 yards out. I switch us back to Control and short passes.
At 65’ I take out the kids with yellow and bring in suitable players with Nixon being on because he’s actually pretty good at taking penalties. At 69’ their DMC gets his second yellow. At 75' I switch us to 4-4-2 and take off some players who can be replaced by better options in case we do go to penalties. And shortly thereafter Pearson sends a long pass into O’Donnell who embarrasses the goalie and now I feel comfortable. I immediately switch to Defensive and start wasting time. At 85’ their right-back gets his second yellow and it’s game, set, match. In the 92’ we get a free kick near their box and Duckett softly feeds it to Day and he gives it a go. The ball hits the underside of the crossbar and eventually bounces into goal.
POM: Daniel Duckett (1 assist, 2 key passes, 2 chances created)
We get to face East Thurrock United in the FA Vase Final at Wembley. That match won’t happen until 19 May and you can bet your sweet bippy that I’m going to field the best possible, rested team I can.
Another offer for McLeish comes in, this time for Weymouth, who look like they may be promoted to Conference South. Still, £750 ain’t gonna cut it. A couple of days later Clevedon come in with the same offer so they get the same answer. An offer comes in for Collins but I don’t accept this time as the requestor is from a league down and there ain’t no way he’s gonna accept the move.
at Bearsted, 21 April 2018
Formation: Spade
Starting XI: Legg, Maguire, Spearing, Carroll, Al-Ziod, Barlow, Smith, Pearson, O’Donnell, Duckett, Macey
Subs: Webb, Clark, Day, Duggan, Jefcoate, Donaldson, McAdam, Jones, Kirkpatrick, Martin, Rae, Nixon
This is the most boring match ever! The players just aren’t doing anything. That is until 46 seconds into 60 seconds of injury time when finally Duckett gets some freedom and sends a low cross to O’Donnell who sinks it. Ten minutes into the second half, and after a Demand More shout, Duckett gets his second assist, this time Macey is the beneficiary. Or so I thought; Eddie was offsides. But a minute later Maguire’s cross finds Duckett way out left and his cross ping-pongs around the 6-yard box before Pearson pokes it in. A couple of minutes later there is a strange goal. We get a free kick but the wall blokes it and it goes flying toward the midline and Spearing kicks it sky-high towards the goal and Macey is able to track it over-the-shoulder and one-times the ball with his right foot.
I do my trademarked full outfield swap and switch to 4-4-2. Our fourth goal comes off a corner. Donaldson sends it in to Jones who is straight out from the left upright 9 yards. He heads it to Kemar who sends in a screamer from 12 yards out.
POM: Steve Pearson (1 goal, 3 key passes, 3 chances created)
With this clean sheet Chick Legg pulls in the lead again over the keeper from Beckenham; that dude allowed in 4 goals today.
More interest in Derek McLeish, Rory Collopy, and Aidan Collins comes in. I really don’t want to have to find another DC for the U18s and even though these offers come from teams one and two levels above I still say no. Until he complains about this I’ll keep saying no.
vs. Sevenoaks, 28 April 2018
Formation: Spade
Starting XI: Legg, Maguire, Spearing, Carroll, Al-Ziod, Barlow, Smith, Pearson, O’Donnell, Duckett, Macey
Subs: Webb, Clark, Day, Duggan, Jefcoate, Nixon, McAdam, Jones, Taylor, Martin, Kirkpatrick, Cullen
Since winning the league the players have been really stale in the first half of games. Case in point, we have no opportunities in the first 25 minutes but Sevenoaks do, almost scoring after some sloppy defensive play. Finally, in the 40th minute Smith and Pearson surprise with an attack up the middle and Pearson does a good job of not botching the chance. At 66’ we finally look competent and the O’Donnell-Macey up-the-gut attack works. And that’s all she wrote.
I didn’t tinker at all with the tactics all game except after 5 minutes when I remember we have problems with having too high a defensive line. I also didn’t do a full outfield swap once our fate was sealed; I wanted Pearson and Duckett to get the full 90 in hopes of getting them over the hump of being Natural at Attacking Midfielder.
POM: Connor Smith (1 assist, 3 key passes, 1 chance created)
My plan of keeping the wingers in partially worked; Duckett is now Natural at Attacking Midfielder Left.
Two offers come in, one for McLeish and one for Collopy, neither of which blow my socks off.
Well, we’re down to just one cup competition and I believe it will make us some money as we should keep half the gate receipts for Wembley. I still can’t believe some of our youths are drawing interest. I figure once the Transfer Window opens more teams will come for our “Seniors” with O’Donnell and Kirkpatrick being the most obvious targets. I have faith that in the next league up I can get by with Macey, Taylor, and Rae. Now, if Duckett also gets pilfered…
